Now, Wash Your Hands.

H and J are in their separate bathrooms and have been sitting on respective toilets for the last however long. It is around 8am.

H: Ill aim to get there as soon as possible

J: good

J wipes

J: sorry its been difficult

J: I’ll make it up you.

J: promise

H: it’s okay

H: it’s not your fault

H begins to wipe but then pauses, clenching for a moment. J begins to type, then stops and deletes.

J: but the

H: rememmber though

H: tha

J: I

H: same for both me and you

H: i dont want you to feel bad

H: she wouldnt want that

J: yes

J: I undertamnd

J does another kind of probing wipe. Deposits in toilet.

H: will you get the train

H: ?

J: no. Bus

H: okay

H: and have you finished it

J: what.

J flushes once.

H: eulogy

J: yes

J: its finished

H: good

H: alright

H: i hope it wasnt too difficult

H: for you I mean

J: It’s done. I said I’d do it.

J: I wrote it.

J: so don’t worry

H drops phone. Picks it up again.

J: it’s the hardest things I’ve ever had to write

J: but not like in actual composing

J: I could think of what to say. Something else

J: the way the words looked on a screen on a notepad

J: they just looked small

J, unsatisfied with the results of the first, flushes again

H: right

H: okay

J: they just looked like the didn’t make sense enough

J: like every word was looking over its own shoulder

J: worried

J: basically it worried me

J types all of this standing just over the toilet, trousers around ankles, reassessing the bottom of the toilet bowl.
H is yet to get up off of the toilet seat.

H: why did it worry

H: you

H: Im sorry you had to do it on your own

H: yo know i couldnt

H wipes

H: i miss her too much

Flushes a third time.

H: I couldn’t say it

J: yeah.

J: it’s juset

J: just*

J: it’s important, obviously

J: but weirdly important

J: like the sum of a person given to me to say

J:  and I have to CREATE that idea too

J: its like here’s their life and you have to create it for them after their death
ecause they obviously can’t anymore.

J: and you’ve got to do it while you’re grieving still

J: andm it will define everyone else’s version of them

J washes hands. The phone is on the side of the sink.
Nothing is sent for a time.
Some messages are typed but then aborted.

H: oksy.

H: are you doing okay at the moment

H: just talk to me if you need

H: I can come by yours before

H is now frozen on the toilet seat. Tears stream down their face, front, genital area, mix with the still faeces in the bottom of the bowl. Mucus has reached the lips. Some tears hit the screen of the phone before it is dropped and hands reach for forehead and forehead reaches for floor.

J: it’s okay.

J is walking out of the bathroom

J: I’ll see you there.


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